"Dukkha…"
The pain was fading now. The pills taking effect, easing the throbbing, deep, moaning edge. No need to hug, to hold and soothe. It was manageable. She could carry on now, get up and move.
Still, she sat there. As the sadness took hold, reflecting, trying to understand. This was a day where life was a struggle. Healing knowledge, healing practice, healing words shadowed by grim, physical realities. Wherever she looked, whatever she heard, all around, suffering held reign. Her thoughts were playing that old, familiar tune. Scratched record, notes jumping but the message clear. "Dukkha", suffering. It hurt. It wasn't fair.
Tears fell. She was human after all.
But, before the quiet weeping tightened its grasp, that inner voice, the shining light, the beliefs, the faith that kept her strong, awoke. Warmth hugged her close. Soothing balm. Comfort seeped through, taking the stinging heat away. Cocooned, protected and reassured. The feelings of loving, giving strength, grew.
With gently, chiding tones it spoke:
"Why this weeping? Why this despair? You, who have experienced the highs and lows, know that this is a part of life's rich living. There are days when darkness seems to hold sway, when the light is dimmed and it's hard to find your way. But you, you already know that with the rising of the sun and dawns' brilliance colouring the world a-new, this too shall pass."
"But that doesn't answer why there is so much suffering," she responded, "why evils are repeated, why good people suffer, and why there is so much pain."
The voice, a soft caress, replied:
"You already know the futility of such questions. You've gone through that process, those endless cycles of questioning, questing and querying."
"But why?"
"Sometimes there are no real answers. Sense can be made in some form, knitted together from all those differing strands, when the failures in lessons given, of deep-held prejudice and hate, are revealed. Made clear. The sheer violence and brutality of power that breeds destroying greed. The lack of loving kindness, of connection and understanding. The bile of bitterness prevails, humanity forgotten, hidden, lost. You could easily drown in the despair of such thinking. Remember then, recall, the path your struggles curved for you. Your knowledge of how to change that energy, that lowness, to add your mite of compassion, to aid yourself and the healing of this world. You have the choice to change those disheartening words. The resonance different, humming, honey-toned, the images brighter, your pathway clear, those feelings transformed. Not pain. No-more. Now, the throbbing becomes persistent nudging, gaining your attention, to help soften, to help smooth, to help ease your way."
Compassion
The voice quietened then, but the words, the message, strengthened her. To take in that deep, cleansing breath, exhale, let go, and start the day again. Now refreshed. Blessings recounted. Gratitude felt and thanks given, for all the life that had been lived, and the life that was yet to come.
She got up then and made her way to the quiet place she had chosen to reflect. That was what was needed. That inner calm. That connection. To meditate on the healing nature of compassion. To spread that loving kindness, that forgiveness, that understanding into the world.
So following the healing practices she had learned, she paid full attention to all the shadows, the whimpers, the hurts, that she had shoved so rigidly away. No longer hidden. Now, with focussed attention, facing them, things were different. Clarity shone its torch, the notes rang sweet, and love enveloped her understanding. Breathing in, and the brightness of living, colours glowing, shimmered through her. Breathing out, and the knowledge of compassion, of a loving touch, flowed into the world. The darkness, now alight, with messages of silvered light. Recognition of the links, of the webbed connections, shared by all.
With every breath she could feel that energy, that healing compassion, that loving kindness, that brightness resounding, being brought forth and growing in the world. The power of belief, of untainted faith, she lived its heartbeat, she knew its resilience, breathed its purpose and exhaled its intent.
Gratitude
It was in this state of silence, of reverence and awe, that the glow of inner peace, of connection, took hold. Her spirit lighter, solace found, she felt joyous, her purpose renewed.
Smiling, she closed her eyes and reached out to the patient watcher who had quietly been observing her...
Smiling, I reached out, I took her hand, and with gratitude for the resolution we had found, I stepped into my blessed life again…
Being Jiwan…x
Thursday 20 April 2017
Tuesday 28 March 2017
'Member Me...
'I Remember Mama...'
Sunday was 'Mother's Day'.
I awoke to silence. The magical quiet of a glorious spring dawn. The day, already aglow with subtle rays of sparkling sunshine, gently caressed the dew drenched grass, warming the chill crispness. The rustic loveliness of the creaking, beamed, sepia edged, cottage on the Norfolk Broads, wrapped around me. I breathed in the promise of the day, carried out the rituals of awakening, and made my way down to the welcoming warmth of the kitchen.
And, best of all, to my early morning mug of steaming, healing, spicy chai.
As I waited for the brew of simmering, cardamons, fennel seeds, milk and sweetness to combine into my favourite concoction, I realised that I was not the only one awake. A fellow guest who had witnessed the sacred miracle of sunrise on the Broads, entered from the garden. An early morning lark, who, happily, sat down with her mug of tea, and shared that gentle unfolding, the beginning of the day.
The detail of these happenings engraved, vivid, clear, and bright. Mother's Day. The love that prompted acknowledgement, recognition and cherishing. I always remember Mama, but, at this time, I had the need to recall, to share precious memories. And, as she had been reading some of my writings, my fellow early bird listened quietly, patiently, to to the tale of 'Meri Ma'. Mother of my heart. As I read the words, I saw Mama's face. The look in her eyes. Heard her voice. The accent. The loving tones.
But, hidden, glimpsed fleetingly beyond the now, I knew there was something, much, much deeper. Grief. Loss. Something more.
' I Am Dahdeema…'
The welcome was not how she had imagined it.
In her years of longing to see them, to hold them, to wrap them close.
Colours. Scents. Brilliance.
The heady perfume of flowers,
Blossoms scattered along the path,
The glow from the diva lamp, as she circled it in front of them on their arrival.
The rituals of welcome.
The oil poured on the side of the doorsteps to purify, cleanse and bless.
The rejoicing in their presence.
The vividness of her dreams had been so real,
She had not thought it could be otherwise.
The house would have filled with mouth-watering aromas.
Recipes she loved to create on the hob, on the groaning table.
Her beloved son was coming home, and with him, the realisation of her blessings.
So much she had wanted to do.
To sparkle.
To look perfect.
Everything coalesced to jewel-like memories, that they could always recall.
Remember the time.
Remember the place.
Remember the love expressed, made visible and real.
Remember her as more than that image whose broken-english had spoken over the distances between them.
Remember 'Dahdeema'.
'Member Me…'
Words she had said then, now so long ago. The events surrounding them, haunt with emotion and poignancy. At the time we laughed, listened and watched, the beauty of happy moments being brought alive. Even captured them in recordings. But, time can leaven the laughter, and, tears, tears can blur the glow. That's what happens to me when I hear the words:
"'Member Me… I am Dahdeema…"
Those were words she spoke, when she met her grand-children for the very first time. Really met them. Not at home, face infused with the rosy glow of her welcoming, loving heart, but in a wheel-chair. Hospital gowned. Strands of greying hair escaping, haphazardly, around her face. In the peeling dullness of the visiting area, on the out-skirts of a hospital ward. They met.
But, in truth, you didn't really notice that, not with love's energy painting every niche and corner. Love's yearning alight in her face. And, joy blazing, radiating, as she held them to her heart. Engulfed, enclosed in bear-hugs that dissolved the years. I was there. I witnessed. I saw. And the joy she felt, we felt it too. Echoed in our laughter. In kisses and hugs.
What we didn't know then, what is so painful now, was that the words would become an epitaph. This new beginning of young lives came at a time when the ending for her was near. A very short time later, two brief weeks, she was gone.
We who were with her in her final days, who really loved her with a life-time's knowing, we know that what she endured, every breath she took to stay alive, to carry on, was so she could live those very moments. To taste the sweetness, the nectar, the promise of these young lives, and to experience, to behold, in their faces, the beginning of the generations yet to come.
I remember you Mama.Who you were. The girl, the woman. The wisdom you held at the end. How you strove. The stumbles. The struggles. The laughter, tears and love. What you gave to us, the courage and resilience in your years of suffering, so we could still carry on.
I remember you Mama. I always will.
Being Jiwan…x
Sunday was 'Mother's Day'.
I awoke to silence. The magical quiet of a glorious spring dawn. The day, already aglow with subtle rays of sparkling sunshine, gently caressed the dew drenched grass, warming the chill crispness. The rustic loveliness of the creaking, beamed, sepia edged, cottage on the Norfolk Broads, wrapped around me. I breathed in the promise of the day, carried out the rituals of awakening, and made my way down to the welcoming warmth of the kitchen.
And, best of all, to my early morning mug of steaming, healing, spicy chai.
As I waited for the brew of simmering, cardamons, fennel seeds, milk and sweetness to combine into my favourite concoction, I realised that I was not the only one awake. A fellow guest who had witnessed the sacred miracle of sunrise on the Broads, entered from the garden. An early morning lark, who, happily, sat down with her mug of tea, and shared that gentle unfolding, the beginning of the day.
The detail of these happenings engraved, vivid, clear, and bright. Mother's Day. The love that prompted acknowledgement, recognition and cherishing. I always remember Mama, but, at this time, I had the need to recall, to share precious memories. And, as she had been reading some of my writings, my fellow early bird listened quietly, patiently, to to the tale of 'Meri Ma'. Mother of my heart. As I read the words, I saw Mama's face. The look in her eyes. Heard her voice. The accent. The loving tones.
But, hidden, glimpsed fleetingly beyond the now, I knew there was something, much, much deeper. Grief. Loss. Something more.
' I Am Dahdeema…'
The welcome was not how she had imagined it.
In her years of longing to see them, to hold them, to wrap them close.
Colours. Scents. Brilliance.
The heady perfume of flowers,
Blossoms scattered along the path,
The glow from the diva lamp, as she circled it in front of them on their arrival.
The rituals of welcome.
The oil poured on the side of the doorsteps to purify, cleanse and bless.
The rejoicing in their presence.
The vividness of her dreams had been so real,
She had not thought it could be otherwise.
The house would have filled with mouth-watering aromas.
Recipes she loved to create on the hob, on the groaning table.
Her beloved son was coming home, and with him, the realisation of her blessings.
So much she had wanted to do.
To sparkle.
To look perfect.
Everything coalesced to jewel-like memories, that they could always recall.
Remember the time.
Remember the place.
Remember the love expressed, made visible and real.
Remember her as more than that image whose broken-english had spoken over the distances between them.
Remember 'Dahdeema'.
'Member Me…'
Words she had said then, now so long ago. The events surrounding them, haunt with emotion and poignancy. At the time we laughed, listened and watched, the beauty of happy moments being brought alive. Even captured them in recordings. But, time can leaven the laughter, and, tears, tears can blur the glow. That's what happens to me when I hear the words:
"'Member Me… I am Dahdeema…"
Those were words she spoke, when she met her grand-children for the very first time. Really met them. Not at home, face infused with the rosy glow of her welcoming, loving heart, but in a wheel-chair. Hospital gowned. Strands of greying hair escaping, haphazardly, around her face. In the peeling dullness of the visiting area, on the out-skirts of a hospital ward. They met.
But, in truth, you didn't really notice that, not with love's energy painting every niche and corner. Love's yearning alight in her face. And, joy blazing, radiating, as she held them to her heart. Engulfed, enclosed in bear-hugs that dissolved the years. I was there. I witnessed. I saw. And the joy she felt, we felt it too. Echoed in our laughter. In kisses and hugs.
What we didn't know then, what is so painful now, was that the words would become an epitaph. This new beginning of young lives came at a time when the ending for her was near. A very short time later, two brief weeks, she was gone.
We who were with her in her final days, who really loved her with a life-time's knowing, we know that what she endured, every breath she took to stay alive, to carry on, was so she could live those very moments. To taste the sweetness, the nectar, the promise of these young lives, and to experience, to behold, in their faces, the beginning of the generations yet to come.
I remember you Mama.Who you were. The girl, the woman. The wisdom you held at the end. How you strove. The stumbles. The struggles. The laughter, tears and love. What you gave to us, the courage and resilience in your years of suffering, so we could still carry on.
I remember you Mama. I always will.
Being Jiwan…x
Thursday 2 March 2017
Walk In My Shoes
The Unexamined Life
"Walk in my shoes."
The words raw, painful, deeply wrenched, flung at me.
"Walk in my shoes, and, then, tell me again that life is what I make it. You don't know what it's like to live the life of a man. You never had to be strong. To protect. To fight. To be a man. Women don't know. Can't know. They have it easy. Weep, be weak, wail, and be women still. But to be a man. To show that strength. To stand and take the hurt. You cannot know. What is lost. The pain. You do not know what you have to do. To be judged, undaunted. To be fearless. To be a man."
I saw the struggle in that face. Felt the hot, hot, anger of a spirit, despairing, alone. And the words in my heart, the truth that was there, came forth.
"I tried, my brother. I tried. I tried to walk that path. To truly understand. In shoes that did not fit. I felt the pain of crippled feet, the hobbling gait, the shuffling steps. The effort. The strain. To just stand up. To own your space. I can never know what it is to be a man. I realise that you can only truly know the self that lies within. But there is another path, if you choose, a turn, a bend, then a change. Your own life, your every breath, is the gateway to that knowledge. You have the tools, the learnings that living reveals, allowing you some insight, some glimmer of other worlds. Forgiveness, compassion, understanding. Step into reality afresh, with feet shod in shoes measured with that fit. Then take the most difficult step of all. Turn around, look in that mirror, and with new-found clarity, face yourself."
Into that listening silence, I spoke again.
"This is the hardest learning for us all. To face what is within us, the good, the bad, the pain, the sores. We can show our brightness, show strength, resilience and fortitude, but it is in owning our vulnerability that we own ourselves. It is not weakness we reveal but our humanity in all it's varying shades. We fear what others will assume, but we make those assumptions first. We give permission for others to judge because we have judged ourselves and found the wanting."
I paused. Thought carefully of my words. And, then, I spoke some more.
"The roles we learn to play for others. Each with a place and personality to fit in, to please, to lead, to follow, to fight, to be what is needed. A perfect this. A strong that. A fierce defender. A loyal friend. All the parts we play, and sometimes, in that incessant playing of roles, we lose what is our own true self. We lose our way. Whoever, whatever, that original version was or could have been. A footnote, a faded memory, to the reality of the you being lived. But when we recognise that we alone can connect those disparate parts, to forgive, to understand, with compassion and with love, then, then we grow and learn. All those different parts, together what is whole, the you who alone decides on the healing that starts within."
I let the words linger, and then, ebbing, drift on. The waiting silence listened. Still.
The Examined Life
It has been said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Once those basic needs of life are met, the hunger gone, shelter found, and where safety and security abound, then comes the search, that inborn quest of life for its meaning.
We see ourselves as separate. A man. A woman. A human being struggling alone to find a way through the mire, the puzzle, the questions that living holds. Is this all there is? Is this all I am? What was the point? The how, what, why and where of it. All those layers, to all those questions. All those answers yet to be revealed. How easy to forget the humanity, the energy, the life, the connections woven into every living thing, that hold us all. Open your heart to possibility and feel the change.
Purpose, challenges, opportunities, that bucket list of dreams fulfilled. Do the things you've come to do. As much as you are able. Don't shy away. Enjoy the moments of laughter, fun-filled chuckles and warm embraces. Take the sweetness from the challenges of growth, life's lessons in struggle given. The contrast between the dark and bright, the nuances and shades in words and deeds. Live what is yours to live, shed regrets and transform, multifaceted, aglow, variant toned.
It is not easy in the face of suffering to follow a lighter path. But to stay stubborn in shades of pain when other choices can be expressed. What is the worth, the value to those whose rights have been taken? Whose road is forced? By living your path, being yourself, you show them freedom. You show them hope. You show a way they can be. Not selfish self-obsession, constantly seeking attention, but, quietly, what they need, what they want, just living. Being extraordinary, in that simple, simple way.
Walk in your own shoes. Find your own fit. You can do the choosing. And with every step you take, just know, you are the only owner of your life. It is yours to dance. Yours to sing. Yours to know. This life you were given. The spark. This is your gift from the Giver that gave you all.
Being Jiwan…x
"Walk in my shoes."
The words raw, painful, deeply wrenched, flung at me.
"Walk in my shoes, and, then, tell me again that life is what I make it. You don't know what it's like to live the life of a man. You never had to be strong. To protect. To fight. To be a man. Women don't know. Can't know. They have it easy. Weep, be weak, wail, and be women still. But to be a man. To show that strength. To stand and take the hurt. You cannot know. What is lost. The pain. You do not know what you have to do. To be judged, undaunted. To be fearless. To be a man."
I saw the struggle in that face. Felt the hot, hot, anger of a spirit, despairing, alone. And the words in my heart, the truth that was there, came forth.
"I tried, my brother. I tried. I tried to walk that path. To truly understand. In shoes that did not fit. I felt the pain of crippled feet, the hobbling gait, the shuffling steps. The effort. The strain. To just stand up. To own your space. I can never know what it is to be a man. I realise that you can only truly know the self that lies within. But there is another path, if you choose, a turn, a bend, then a change. Your own life, your every breath, is the gateway to that knowledge. You have the tools, the learnings that living reveals, allowing you some insight, some glimmer of other worlds. Forgiveness, compassion, understanding. Step into reality afresh, with feet shod in shoes measured with that fit. Then take the most difficult step of all. Turn around, look in that mirror, and with new-found clarity, face yourself."
Into that listening silence, I spoke again.
"This is the hardest learning for us all. To face what is within us, the good, the bad, the pain, the sores. We can show our brightness, show strength, resilience and fortitude, but it is in owning our vulnerability that we own ourselves. It is not weakness we reveal but our humanity in all it's varying shades. We fear what others will assume, but we make those assumptions first. We give permission for others to judge because we have judged ourselves and found the wanting."
I paused. Thought carefully of my words. And, then, I spoke some more.
"The roles we learn to play for others. Each with a place and personality to fit in, to please, to lead, to follow, to fight, to be what is needed. A perfect this. A strong that. A fierce defender. A loyal friend. All the parts we play, and sometimes, in that incessant playing of roles, we lose what is our own true self. We lose our way. Whoever, whatever, that original version was or could have been. A footnote, a faded memory, to the reality of the you being lived. But when we recognise that we alone can connect those disparate parts, to forgive, to understand, with compassion and with love, then, then we grow and learn. All those different parts, together what is whole, the you who alone decides on the healing that starts within."
I let the words linger, and then, ebbing, drift on. The waiting silence listened. Still.
The Examined Life
It has been said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Once those basic needs of life are met, the hunger gone, shelter found, and where safety and security abound, then comes the search, that inborn quest of life for its meaning.
We see ourselves as separate. A man. A woman. A human being struggling alone to find a way through the mire, the puzzle, the questions that living holds. Is this all there is? Is this all I am? What was the point? The how, what, why and where of it. All those layers, to all those questions. All those answers yet to be revealed. How easy to forget the humanity, the energy, the life, the connections woven into every living thing, that hold us all. Open your heart to possibility and feel the change.
Purpose, challenges, opportunities, that bucket list of dreams fulfilled. Do the things you've come to do. As much as you are able. Don't shy away. Enjoy the moments of laughter, fun-filled chuckles and warm embraces. Take the sweetness from the challenges of growth, life's lessons in struggle given. The contrast between the dark and bright, the nuances and shades in words and deeds. Live what is yours to live, shed regrets and transform, multifaceted, aglow, variant toned.
It is not easy in the face of suffering to follow a lighter path. But to stay stubborn in shades of pain when other choices can be expressed. What is the worth, the value to those whose rights have been taken? Whose road is forced? By living your path, being yourself, you show them freedom. You show them hope. You show a way they can be. Not selfish self-obsession, constantly seeking attention, but, quietly, what they need, what they want, just living. Being extraordinary, in that simple, simple way.
Walk in your own shoes. Find your own fit. You can do the choosing. And with every step you take, just know, you are the only owner of your life. It is yours to dance. Yours to sing. Yours to know. This life you were given. The spark. This is your gift from the Giver that gave you all.
Being Jiwan…x
Tuesday 21 February 2017
It's A Wonderful Life
The Secret of Joy
"How do you manage to be so Joyful?"
The question was asked.
"That's what we really want to know. How you can smile and look so cheerful, so happy knowing what you know?"
That wasn't on the list I'd mentioned, not quite the exercise we'd been given, but I was in the chair to answer, so I answered. And this is in essence what I said.
" Every moment, of every day, is a choice that you make. You can choose the way you feel, the state that you want to be in. You may think that the days are repetitive, that everything is the same. But, what you need to realise is that no two moments are the same. Each day starts a-new, and you, the creator of your life, you decide on what is needed, the changes and what remains. Each day you awaken, and in that moment you can decide that feeling inside. Just breathe, just know, with that flowing heartbeat, with that stretching, morning yawn, that you're alive. And, with that rising, welcome the knowledge of things completed, and things yet to be done. Remember what it is to be grateful. To be needed. To be the doer, the enabler of dreams. You are the only you that will ever live your life, live your experiences, and taste the bitter and sweet of that knowing."
There were many other words said, questions asked and answers given. But it doesn't take the excess of explanation to distil the gist of this understanding. There is so much information now, so readily available, where clarity has been sought, and new learnings have answered. The memories we hold are chemical reactions. Electrical impulses, holding the very essence of your being. Their potency dependent on the importance, the intention, focus that they're given. The very thoughts that dominant, effect the beating of our hearts, and can forever change, the direction of the journey, the road, that we are on.
You can see life as hardships, or full of adventures. Of changes unwelcome, intruding, or opportunities catching you, eagerly, abounding. It has been said so many, many times, by many who have sought the knowledge, if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. It is when you realise that you hold your destiny in your hands, that you also realise that you are the greatest impacter, the influencer of where you go. That realisation, when it dawns, my friend, the world feels so much lighter, with the heaviness of worries, imposed by others, once held tight, all gone.
Its A Wonderful Life
You may have seen the movie. It's considered to be a classic now. Where a character despairing, broken, bowed, is thinking to end his life, in the mistaken belief, that those who he loves would be better off if he was dead. It is only the intervention of a miracle that shows, how this unassuming man was so very great within. The lives he changed, the lives he saved, the inspiration he gave. The hope, the dreams he enabled, and realised. It is only through this insight of his life's meaning and purpose, that he finally sees that, for him, 'It's A Wonderful Life'.
So if you chose to be a 'Seeker' my friend, you don't need to look to others for your inspiration, your guide. If you open your eyes, and listen to the wisdom you possess, you will come to know that the answers lie within. How you felt when your child was born. The first time you felt love's sweet touch. The laughter you shared with friends. It's all there, ready to show you a way. How easy it is to experience joy, the moments you can garner and learn. You know what your version of joy is, the scents, the tastes, the caresses, the pictures and the sounds.
I have learnt the lesson that was mine to learn, how I can feel joy in very simple things. I can hear a song, a melody that weaves a gossamer web, the jazzy voice of Satchmo, the rich timbre, the memories I have.
"I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world"
Being Jiwan…x
"How do you manage to be so Joyful?"
The question was asked.
"That's what we really want to know. How you can smile and look so cheerful, so happy knowing what you know?"
That wasn't on the list I'd mentioned, not quite the exercise we'd been given, but I was in the chair to answer, so I answered. And this is in essence what I said.
" Every moment, of every day, is a choice that you make. You can choose the way you feel, the state that you want to be in. You may think that the days are repetitive, that everything is the same. But, what you need to realise is that no two moments are the same. Each day starts a-new, and you, the creator of your life, you decide on what is needed, the changes and what remains. Each day you awaken, and in that moment you can decide that feeling inside. Just breathe, just know, with that flowing heartbeat, with that stretching, morning yawn, that you're alive. And, with that rising, welcome the knowledge of things completed, and things yet to be done. Remember what it is to be grateful. To be needed. To be the doer, the enabler of dreams. You are the only you that will ever live your life, live your experiences, and taste the bitter and sweet of that knowing."
There were many other words said, questions asked and answers given. But it doesn't take the excess of explanation to distil the gist of this understanding. There is so much information now, so readily available, where clarity has been sought, and new learnings have answered. The memories we hold are chemical reactions. Electrical impulses, holding the very essence of your being. Their potency dependent on the importance, the intention, focus that they're given. The very thoughts that dominant, effect the beating of our hearts, and can forever change, the direction of the journey, the road, that we are on.
You can see life as hardships, or full of adventures. Of changes unwelcome, intruding, or opportunities catching you, eagerly, abounding. It has been said so many, many times, by many who have sought the knowledge, if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. It is when you realise that you hold your destiny in your hands, that you also realise that you are the greatest impacter, the influencer of where you go. That realisation, when it dawns, my friend, the world feels so much lighter, with the heaviness of worries, imposed by others, once held tight, all gone.
Its A Wonderful Life
You may have seen the movie. It's considered to be a classic now. Where a character despairing, broken, bowed, is thinking to end his life, in the mistaken belief, that those who he loves would be better off if he was dead. It is only the intervention of a miracle that shows, how this unassuming man was so very great within. The lives he changed, the lives he saved, the inspiration he gave. The hope, the dreams he enabled, and realised. It is only through this insight of his life's meaning and purpose, that he finally sees that, for him, 'It's A Wonderful Life'.
So if you chose to be a 'Seeker' my friend, you don't need to look to others for your inspiration, your guide. If you open your eyes, and listen to the wisdom you possess, you will come to know that the answers lie within. How you felt when your child was born. The first time you felt love's sweet touch. The laughter you shared with friends. It's all there, ready to show you a way. How easy it is to experience joy, the moments you can garner and learn. You know what your version of joy is, the scents, the tastes, the caresses, the pictures and the sounds.
I have learnt the lesson that was mine to learn, how I can feel joy in very simple things. I can hear a song, a melody that weaves a gossamer web, the jazzy voice of Satchmo, the rich timbre, the memories I have.
"I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world"
Being Jiwan…x
Friday 17 February 2017
The Writer Not The Critic
Down the Rabbit Hole… Again
Have you ever done something where the memory of it was so bright, so clear, that you wanted to be touched by that experience again? I did some learnings a long while back that had that very deep imprinting on me. Where I can still recall the detail of rooms, of people, of muted conversations, moments of raucous laughter, of subtle changing.
So, many, many years later, almost a decade reached, I decided to see how things had aged, changed, or plain grown. If the vivid, silver, memories of overflowing enthusiasm, the glinting eagerness of like-minded souls, was so very different now. The fascination of times once lived, drew me back. Fresh eyes observed what the passing years can do. So a path well-trodden, was seen a-new.
Imagining, the very, very end. What did I need to do, have done by then? How would this word serve me, and what did that knowledge reveal, right here, right now?
So from simple, simple steps, I reached those levels, more profound. Who I was. Chose to be. At this ending. My hopes and my dreams.
Then a change. A different tack. Much, much, more delving. Conversations had, discussions, light, dark, humorous and revealing.
"What three things are you really good at?"
And in my Group, I responded:
"I'm really good at empathy."
"I'm really good at creativity."
"And, I'm really good at cooking."
The strangeness of this learning is, the truth, the curiosity that led me here.
In the silence of my imaginings, I changed perspectives. I looked down, and from that new viewpoint, the observer gave me clarity. Perched on a pillar of rapport, I realised, the anchor of the map could still be kept, the learner feeling safe, secure, whilst the territory itself, creativity, was explored. So, now, it was not about words pouring forth, perfect, whole, unbidden. Now, it was about the principles, what could be understood by them in the structure of NLP.
To be creative seek rapport, and be at ease with self. Focus on that desired outcome, the canvas daubs, the golden words, using the skilled, skilled tools of your sensory acuity. And keep that behavioural flexibility, to change at will, easily allowing for new approaches, and fresh perspectives, made ready just for you.
Still finding it difficult, to notice, observe and model?
My friend take note of a very simple word.
Jabberwocky.
Have you ever done something where the memory of it was so bright, so clear, that you wanted to be touched by that experience again? I did some learnings a long while back that had that very deep imprinting on me. Where I can still recall the detail of rooms, of people, of muted conversations, moments of raucous laughter, of subtle changing.
So, many, many years later, almost a decade reached, I decided to see how things had aged, changed, or plain grown. If the vivid, silver, memories of overflowing enthusiasm, the glinting eagerness of like-minded souls, was so very different now. The fascination of times once lived, drew me back. Fresh eyes observed what the passing years can do. So a path well-trodden, was seen a-new.
Recognition was there. Warm hugs of welcome, and a feeling of 'still here'. Knowledge, engagement, listening. Questioning and challenging. The magic formula was cast again, colours seeping through. Different, yet the same. It involved, it paced and it led, nudging and awakening, what we were there to learn.
Simple steps:
"What made you come?"
"Why are you here?"
Then, more probing:
"What is that, in a word?"
So from that very word, that "curiosity" that had drawn me, all the rest, flowed.
Simple steps:
"What made you come?"
"Why are you here?"
Then, more probing:
"What is that, in a word?"
So from that very word, that "curiosity" that had drawn me, all the rest, flowed.
Imagining, the very, very end. What did I need to do, have done by then? How would this word serve me, and what did that knowledge reveal, right here, right now?
So from simple, simple steps, I reached those levels, more profound. Who I was. Chose to be. At this ending. My hopes and my dreams.
Drink Me!
Then a change. A different tack. Much, much, more delving. Conversations had, discussions, light, dark, humorous and revealing.
"What three things are you really good at?"
And in my Group, I responded:
"I'm really good at empathy."
"I'm really good at creativity."
"And, I'm really good at cooking."
They chose to know about my creativity. And, I answered, did my best, to tell them what I felt. What I did, and how I was, when I was in the 'flow'.
But, this was just the beginning.
Now came that crunch, the "why?", of this curiosity. What would they have to do, to emulate, to model the 'me' who was the Writer, the Painter and the Poet. How could they gain that expert touch, and release their creative souls?
It should have been easier. The questions were there, printed clearly to see. The objective, the intent well known. Internal state. Internal computations.. External behaviours. Their role to notice, observe and model the distinctions I made clear. But, I floundered. I tried to answer. Honesty and clarity, I tried. But, I had never analysed. What it was that I did, before I entered that state, that gifted space, and creativity, it flowed.
I did not know the answers then, but quiet reflection, silence, has since revealed, there is a process, an A, B, C, that allows for some replication. Once I have sipped that sweet heady taste of my home made brew. My own, my very special mug of spiced, cinnamon-laced, rich, rich, chai. I knew. There is an intent, a motivation to create, a driving force within. A visual outcome, words aglow, are there waiting to be freed. The restraint cast by that critical voice that stills the flow, is quietened. Life's rich material lies at the core of all the expressions, the lines, the dabs that reveal what was intended.
The uniqueness of creating is yours, but the way is clear. Leave the routes you know behind, the heart can speak, and the head can show you another path to tread, new ways to explore.
But, this was just the beginning.
Now came that crunch, the "why?", of this curiosity. What would they have to do, to emulate, to model the 'me' who was the Writer, the Painter and the Poet. How could they gain that expert touch, and release their creative souls?
It should have been easier. The questions were there, printed clearly to see. The objective, the intent well known. Internal state. Internal computations.. External behaviours. Their role to notice, observe and model the distinctions I made clear. But, I floundered. I tried to answer. Honesty and clarity, I tried. But, I had never analysed. What it was that I did, before I entered that state, that gifted space, and creativity, it flowed.
I did not know the answers then, but quiet reflection, silence, has since revealed, there is a process, an A, B, C, that allows for some replication. Once I have sipped that sweet heady taste of my home made brew. My own, my very special mug of spiced, cinnamon-laced, rich, rich, chai. I knew. There is an intent, a motivation to create, a driving force within. A visual outcome, words aglow, are there waiting to be freed. The restraint cast by that critical voice that stills the flow, is quietened. Life's rich material lies at the core of all the expressions, the lines, the dabs that reveal what was intended.
The uniqueness of creating is yours, but the way is clear. Leave the routes you know behind, the heart can speak, and the head can show you another path to tread, new ways to explore.
Curiouser and curiouser…
The strangeness of this learning is, the truth, the curiosity that led me here.
In the silence of my imaginings, I changed perspectives. I looked down, and from that new viewpoint, the observer gave me clarity. Perched on a pillar of rapport, I realised, the anchor of the map could still be kept, the learner feeling safe, secure, whilst the territory itself, creativity, was explored. So, now, it was not about words pouring forth, perfect, whole, unbidden. Now, it was about the principles, what could be understood by them in the structure of NLP.
To be creative seek rapport, and be at ease with self. Focus on that desired outcome, the canvas daubs, the golden words, using the skilled, skilled tools of your sensory acuity. And keep that behavioural flexibility, to change at will, easily allowing for new approaches, and fresh perspectives, made ready just for you.
So, what does the writer know now, that silences that critical judge, that limiter within? It is simple really, not difficult or profound. When 'f'low' alights the spirit, and effort goes. it is the perfect state, the perfect way to be. Unleash that creativity, the storyteller unbound. Just remember, it is the territory that you explore, the map you left behind.
Still finding it difficult, to notice, observe and model?
My friend take note of a very simple word.
Jabberwocky.
That unborn canvas.
Those words of brilliance.
They are there, waiting, waiting, waiting for your call.
All wondrous. All fresh. All new. All yours.
Those words of brilliance.
They are there, waiting, waiting, waiting for your call.
All wondrous. All fresh. All new. All yours.
Being Jiwan…x
Friday 10 February 2017
A Letter to My Wife
24th August 19..
[A translation]
For a long time now, I have been searching for the right words, to send to you. About our child. Our daughter. But something has been stopping me. Stalling. I don't know what.
She was born on 9th April 19…. My beloved daughter's handprint, you sent to me, it's inked impression, here, on this envelope. I looked at that handprint, and read your words. With amazement. It sets me thinking. Nature's ways are inviolate, the same for everyone. To help forget, to break, twist, re-mould. To re-build someone's heart. How expert a hand is nature. A broken heart has been mended, with no cracks visible.
My child is over four months old, and I am so far away from her. Here, in London. It's five o'clock in the early morning. I am struggling to fall asleep, but I'm wide awake. Perched in front of me, are two photographs of our child. She is smiling, gazing at the photographer.
Perhaps, she is also wondering:
"This image will go to that man whose heart's deep wounds, have not yet healed. I can at least tell those wounds, father, I am the fulfilment of your dreams. I will make you laugh. Your wounds will heal."
She is trying her very best to make me smile. To laugh again.
Having lingered on that image, feelings overcome. My daughter is looking at me. Perhaps she wants to run, joyously, into my arms. My heart fills. I long to hold, and embrace her. This lightening of life's burden.
But, no. God has other plans for me. He has separated us for a reason. So, the longing grows. My child, will be older, and I will pick her up, take her in my arms. She will hug me with love. Bring cool, solace, to my hurts.
My wife seems lost, deeply, in her thoughts. Maybe she is having those very same feelings. My darling's father is so far away. What precious token can I send him, to show him this symbol? What was she thinking, when this image was taken? I see wistfulness, no laughter in her face. Her dreams, they have not been answered yet. She wanted to bring this joy to me. As if she owed me something. Maybe, maybe, she is longing for the very moment when she is able to present, that priceless gift to me.
Here, my longing, burns brightly. When can I leave this place? Then, I have to stop myself, stop this yearning. But, it is difficult. How can I stop this longing? There is a connection, a bond. I too have dreams I shared with her, she makes my world beautiful again. Three spirits will meet at the same time. A new world opening. Two halves will be reunited, and reach their destination. Then life will blossom.
I know this will happen one day. I know. This is the mystery of life, not easily understood. You have to bow and accept, your destiny, your fate, is written just for you.
But, don't worry. The fruit is sweeter, if you wait. My wife, and my daughter, who I didn't even nurture, who blossomed, without my presence. What will life hold for us? What will their desires be? What paths will they want to take? What kind of world will we be together?
These are the thoughts I have, that strengthen my resolve, that keep me going. I am struggling to give them a better life. Struggling to reach that sweetness. Only he who has travelled with me, truly knows. This sinking ship, this drowning man, has dreamed, has sought a safe haven. Many, many times. How painful it has been to reach this point. My family. How strange, this life. How sweet and sour. How heavy and painful. But, also, light as a feather.
God made life so wondrous. A man can become lost, a stranger, in its living. He knows not the end of it, or gives up the desire, the knowledge, or the struggle, of living. Without these struggles of life, you come to realise, that the living is hollow.
My child. God bless you. May your life be full of laughter. May you grow, and thrive. As much as I'm able, I will help you fulfil your dreams. Adding to the beauty, of our small, perfect world. May contentment fill our days, with all our friends around us, supporting the journey of our lives. May there be no lessening, weakening, of this bond. May we keep on going, strong, through whatever comes our way.
24th August 19..
Being Jiwan…x
[A translation]
For a long time now, I have been searching for the right words, to send to you. About our child. Our daughter. But something has been stopping me. Stalling. I don't know what.
She was born on 9th April 19…. My beloved daughter's handprint, you sent to me, it's inked impression, here, on this envelope. I looked at that handprint, and read your words. With amazement. It sets me thinking. Nature's ways are inviolate, the same for everyone. To help forget, to break, twist, re-mould. To re-build someone's heart. How expert a hand is nature. A broken heart has been mended, with no cracks visible.
My child is over four months old, and I am so far away from her. Here, in London. It's five o'clock in the early morning. I am struggling to fall asleep, but I'm wide awake. Perched in front of me, are two photographs of our child. She is smiling, gazing at the photographer.
Perhaps, she is also wondering:
"This image will go to that man whose heart's deep wounds, have not yet healed. I can at least tell those wounds, father, I am the fulfilment of your dreams. I will make you laugh. Your wounds will heal."
She is trying her very best to make me smile. To laugh again.
Having lingered on that image, feelings overcome. My daughter is looking at me. Perhaps she wants to run, joyously, into my arms. My heart fills. I long to hold, and embrace her. This lightening of life's burden.
But, no. God has other plans for me. He has separated us for a reason. So, the longing grows. My child, will be older, and I will pick her up, take her in my arms. She will hug me with love. Bring cool, solace, to my hurts.
My wife seems lost, deeply, in her thoughts. Maybe she is having those very same feelings. My darling's father is so far away. What precious token can I send him, to show him this symbol? What was she thinking, when this image was taken? I see wistfulness, no laughter in her face. Her dreams, they have not been answered yet. She wanted to bring this joy to me. As if she owed me something. Maybe, maybe, she is longing for the very moment when she is able to present, that priceless gift to me.
Here, my longing, burns brightly. When can I leave this place? Then, I have to stop myself, stop this yearning. But, it is difficult. How can I stop this longing? There is a connection, a bond. I too have dreams I shared with her, she makes my world beautiful again. Three spirits will meet at the same time. A new world opening. Two halves will be reunited, and reach their destination. Then life will blossom.
I know this will happen one day. I know. This is the mystery of life, not easily understood. You have to bow and accept, your destiny, your fate, is written just for you.
But, don't worry. The fruit is sweeter, if you wait. My wife, and my daughter, who I didn't even nurture, who blossomed, without my presence. What will life hold for us? What will their desires be? What paths will they want to take? What kind of world will we be together?
These are the thoughts I have, that strengthen my resolve, that keep me going. I am struggling to give them a better life. Struggling to reach that sweetness. Only he who has travelled with me, truly knows. This sinking ship, this drowning man, has dreamed, has sought a safe haven. Many, many times. How painful it has been to reach this point. My family. How strange, this life. How sweet and sour. How heavy and painful. But, also, light as a feather.
God made life so wondrous. A man can become lost, a stranger, in its living. He knows not the end of it, or gives up the desire, the knowledge, or the struggle, of living. Without these struggles of life, you come to realise, that the living is hollow.
My child. God bless you. May your life be full of laughter. May you grow, and thrive. As much as I'm able, I will help you fulfil your dreams. Adding to the beauty, of our small, perfect world. May contentment fill our days, with all our friends around us, supporting the journey of our lives. May there be no lessening, weakening, of this bond. May we keep on going, strong, through whatever comes our way.
24th August 19..
Being Jiwan…x
Thursday 9 February 2017
About That 'C' Word...
The Rocky Road
I chose the Rocky Road, all unknowing, innocent.
That first, timid, step, led me here, to shaded places, mouldy, stinking.
I thought it was the only path to take. Rocks, hidden. Held secrets. Shards. Cuts, invisible.
The warmth was not welcome there, only glimmers of sun sneaking.
Ghostly threads leaked, dancing shadows, swiftly, caressing, fading.
Doggedly, determined, I followed that rocky road.
Though other choices came and went, this one held me fast. Over the rocks I climbed.
Slips, stumbles and hurts were mine. Sometimes bruised, sometimes bloody. But surely, I thought,
This will change.
But. It didn't. Tears. Pain. Laughter tried to find a way. Joy flashed rainbow colours, but, the warmth found no permanence. Would not linger. Would not stay. Until, that fateful day, when a chance meeting intervened. Life changed. Another traveller, I found. A few steps further on. I caught the fellow up. Curious about this stranger, I chose to disturb.
"What is this road?' I asked,
"Where daylight hides its face?"
"Where you are the only other person walking?"
"Where does this journey take me?"
"The destination, reached, the travelling, end?
Glancing my way, still taking those steps forward, he spoke these words.
"This is the road less travelled, the harder path. We, we who are on this way, are those who gave freely, of our hopes, of our lives. Loved. Deeply. Took the burden, tried our best, to heal, to lighten woes, so others would thrive. Though the days, seemingly, arduous, we found wisdom, our purpose, our meaning. Along this rocky road. Sometimes, steps are taken, all unwitting. So the moments, experiences, the journey, seems long.
Beloved soul. If you pay attention, when first you have the choice, the directions, the way, is clear. Your eyes will reveal the inner truth of what lies veiled. Life is more enriching, beauty's touch, a lilting melody, when first you realise. It is the journey, the twists and turns that hone, that temper, that hold life's sweet, shining, surprise. Close your eyes. See with your heart. This is the life you chose."
Then, having answered, he seemed to melt away.
Pondering, I moved on.
You don't need to say the Words
The thing about difficult communications is, we avoid them. We just find it easier to talk euphemisms. The starkness of reality makes us uncomfortable. Talking silver linings, the other side of the rainbow, it's never as dark as it seems. Etc. etc. etc. as someone in a movie once said. Just so much easier to contend with, than those words. Endings, not beginnings, are all that is heard.
For me, at this moment, it's about communications. How we make things easier to understand. What we're told, what isn't said. What's misunderstood. What breaks you. What makes you whole. Losing hope, from simple words. Or gaining courage, anew, refreshed. When your living, shines through.
So, I try to make it easier for those afraid to ask. So empty promises, don't need to be made, or kept, or broken. Those who have known a while, know. The diagnosis that eats away the promise of tomorrows, of plans, of dreams. It refuses to leave me. It's very attached, you know. With loving thoughts and compassion, I first received the blow. My own poor body screaming. Neglect, you didn't listen, what about me? So very clear to see now. That bony, reflection, of a woman, was me.
So, for years I have travelled this rocky, rocky road. Of things being done, endured, to ease the heavy, heavy load. But it chooses to remain with me, this lesson of life, is mine, and the unburdening, is not a simple thing. Not something I can share. Not something I would give to others.
So. I focus, intent clear. Moment on moment, day by day. With that thought, with that need to strive, to live, be well. I carry on. I breathe, and stay. There are things that need to be done, where I am the doer. So, where possible, I speak and say the words. The tiredness of staying, is nipping at my heals. But, I hope I have shared enough. Given strength to those who fear to face or deal, with that final sleep that comes. For we all will meet that truth one day. The beginning of the end. The end of the beginning.
Being Jiwan…x
I chose the Rocky Road, all unknowing, innocent.
That first, timid, step, led me here, to shaded places, mouldy, stinking.
I thought it was the only path to take. Rocks, hidden. Held secrets. Shards. Cuts, invisible.
The warmth was not welcome there, only glimmers of sun sneaking.
Ghostly threads leaked, dancing shadows, swiftly, caressing, fading.
Doggedly, determined, I followed that rocky road.
Though other choices came and went, this one held me fast. Over the rocks I climbed.
Slips, stumbles and hurts were mine. Sometimes bruised, sometimes bloody. But surely, I thought,
This will change.
But. It didn't. Tears. Pain. Laughter tried to find a way. Joy flashed rainbow colours, but, the warmth found no permanence. Would not linger. Would not stay. Until, that fateful day, when a chance meeting intervened. Life changed. Another traveller, I found. A few steps further on. I caught the fellow up. Curious about this stranger, I chose to disturb.
"What is this road?' I asked,
"Where daylight hides its face?"
"Where you are the only other person walking?"
"Where does this journey take me?"
"The destination, reached, the travelling, end?
Glancing my way, still taking those steps forward, he spoke these words.
"This is the road less travelled, the harder path. We, we who are on this way, are those who gave freely, of our hopes, of our lives. Loved. Deeply. Took the burden, tried our best, to heal, to lighten woes, so others would thrive. Though the days, seemingly, arduous, we found wisdom, our purpose, our meaning. Along this rocky road. Sometimes, steps are taken, all unwitting. So the moments, experiences, the journey, seems long.
Beloved soul. If you pay attention, when first you have the choice, the directions, the way, is clear. Your eyes will reveal the inner truth of what lies veiled. Life is more enriching, beauty's touch, a lilting melody, when first you realise. It is the journey, the twists and turns that hone, that temper, that hold life's sweet, shining, surprise. Close your eyes. See with your heart. This is the life you chose."
Then, having answered, he seemed to melt away.
Pondering, I moved on.
You don't need to say the Words
The thing about difficult communications is, we avoid them. We just find it easier to talk euphemisms. The starkness of reality makes us uncomfortable. Talking silver linings, the other side of the rainbow, it's never as dark as it seems. Etc. etc. etc. as someone in a movie once said. Just so much easier to contend with, than those words. Endings, not beginnings, are all that is heard.
For me, at this moment, it's about communications. How we make things easier to understand. What we're told, what isn't said. What's misunderstood. What breaks you. What makes you whole. Losing hope, from simple words. Or gaining courage, anew, refreshed. When your living, shines through.
So, I try to make it easier for those afraid to ask. So empty promises, don't need to be made, or kept, or broken. Those who have known a while, know. The diagnosis that eats away the promise of tomorrows, of plans, of dreams. It refuses to leave me. It's very attached, you know. With loving thoughts and compassion, I first received the blow. My own poor body screaming. Neglect, you didn't listen, what about me? So very clear to see now. That bony, reflection, of a woman, was me.
So, for years I have travelled this rocky, rocky road. Of things being done, endured, to ease the heavy, heavy load. But it chooses to remain with me, this lesson of life, is mine, and the unburdening, is not a simple thing. Not something I can share. Not something I would give to others.
So. I focus, intent clear. Moment on moment, day by day. With that thought, with that need to strive, to live, be well. I carry on. I breathe, and stay. There are things that need to be done, where I am the doer. So, where possible, I speak and say the words. The tiredness of staying, is nipping at my heals. But, I hope I have shared enough. Given strength to those who fear to face or deal, with that final sleep that comes. For we all will meet that truth one day. The beginning of the end. The end of the beginning.
Being Jiwan…x
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