Walk In My Shoes

The Unexamined Life

"Walk in my shoes."

The words raw, painful, deeply wrenched, flung at me.

"Walk in my shoes, and, then, tell me again that life is what I make it. You don't know what it's like to live the life of a man. You never had to be strong. To protect. To fight. To be a man. Women don't know. Can't know. They have it easy. Weep, be weak, wail, and be women still. But to be a man. To show that strength. To stand and take the hurt. You cannot know. What is lost. The pain. You do not know what you have to do. To be judged, undaunted. To be fearless. To be a man."

I saw the struggle in that face. Felt the hot, hot, anger of a spirit, despairing, alone. And the words in my heart, the truth that was there, came forth.

"I tried, my brother. I tried. I tried to walk that path. To truly understand. In shoes that did not fit. I felt the pain of crippled feet, the hobbling gait, the shuffling steps. The effort. The strain. To just stand up. To own your space. I can never know what it is to be a man. I realise that you can only truly know the self that lies within. But there is another path, if you choose, a turn, a bend, then a change. Your own life, your every breath, is the gateway to that knowledge. You have the tools, the learnings that living reveals, allowing you some insight, some glimmer of other worlds. Forgiveness, compassion, understanding. Step into reality afresh, with feet shod in shoes measured with that fit. Then take the most difficult step of all. Turn around, look in that mirror, and with new-found clarity, face yourself."

Into that listening silence, I spoke again.

"This is the hardest learning for us all. To face what is within us, the good, the bad, the pain, the sores. We can show our brightness, show strength, resilience and fortitude, but it is in owning our vulnerability that we own ourselves. It is not weakness we reveal but our humanity in all it's varying shades. We fear what others will assume, but we make those assumptions first. We give permission for others to judge because we have judged ourselves and found the wanting."

I paused. Thought carefully of my words. And, then, I spoke some more.

"The roles we learn to play for others. Each with a place and personality to fit in, to please, to lead, to follow, to fight, to be what is needed. A perfect this. A strong that. A fierce defender. A loyal friend. All the parts we play, and sometimes, in that incessant playing of roles, we lose what is our own true self. We lose our way. Whoever, whatever, that original version was or could have been. A footnote, a faded memory, to the reality of the you being lived. But when we recognise that we alone can connect those disparate parts, to forgive, to understand, with compassion and with love, then, then we grow and learn. All those different parts, together what is whole, the you who alone decides on the healing that starts within."

I let the words linger, and then, ebbing, drift on. The waiting silence listened. Still.


The Examined Life

It has been said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Once those basic needs of life are met, the hunger gone, shelter found, and where safety and security abound, then comes the search, that inborn quest of life for its meaning.

We see ourselves as separate. A man. A woman. A human being struggling alone to find a way through the mire, the puzzle, the questions that living holds. Is this all there is? Is this all I am? What was the point? The how, what, why and where of it. All those layers, to all those questions. All those answers yet to be revealed. How easy to forget the humanity, the energy, the life, the connections woven into every living thing, that hold us all. Open your heart to possibility and feel the change.

Purpose, challenges, opportunities, that bucket list of dreams fulfilled. Do the things you've come to do. As much as you are able. Don't shy away. Enjoy the moments of laughter, fun-filled chuckles and warm embraces. Take the sweetness from the challenges of growth, life's lessons in struggle given. The contrast between the dark and bright, the nuances and shades in words and deeds. Live what is yours to live, shed regrets and transform, multifaceted, aglow, variant toned.

It is not easy in the face of suffering to follow a lighter path. But to stay stubborn in shades of pain when other choices can be expressed. What is the worth, the value to those whose rights have been taken? Whose road is forced? By living your path, being yourself, you show them freedom. You show them hope. You show a way they can be. Not selfish self-obsession, constantly seeking attention, but, quietly, what they need, what they want, just living. Being extraordinary, in that simple, simple way.

Walk in your own shoes. Find your own fit. You can do the choosing. And with every step you take, just know, you are the only owner of your life. It is yours to dance. Yours to sing. Yours to know. This life you were given. The spark. This is your gift from the Giver that gave you all.



Being Jiwan…x