About That 'C' Word...

The Rocky Road

I chose the Rocky Road, all unknowing, innocent.
That first, timid, step, led me here, to shaded places, mouldy, stinking.
I thought it was the only path to take. Rocks, hidden. Held secrets. Shards. Cuts, invisible.

The warmth was not welcome there, only glimmers of sun sneaking.
Ghostly threads leaked, dancing shadows, swiftly, caressing, fading.

Doggedly, determined, I followed that rocky road.
Though other choices came and went, this one held me fast. Over the rocks I climbed.
Slips, stumbles and hurts were mine. Sometimes bruised, sometimes bloody. But surely, I thought,
This will change.

But. It didn't. Tears. Pain. Laughter tried to find a way. Joy flashed rainbow colours, but,  the warmth found no permanence. Would not linger. Would not stay. Until, that fateful day, when a chance meeting intervened. Life changed. Another traveller, I found. A few steps further on. I caught the fellow up. Curious about this stranger, I chose to disturb.

"What is this road?' I asked,
"Where daylight hides its face?"
"Where you are the only other person walking?"
"Where does this journey take me?"
"The destination, reached, the travelling, end?

Glancing my way, still taking those steps forward, he spoke these words.

"This is the road less travelled, the harder path. We, we who are on this way, are those who gave freely, of our hopes, of our lives. Loved. Deeply. Took the burden, tried our best, to heal, to lighten woes, so others would thrive. Though the days, seemingly, arduous, we found wisdom, our purpose, our meaning. Along this rocky road. Sometimes, steps are taken, all unwitting. So the moments, experiences, the journey, seems long.

Beloved soul. If you pay attention, when first you have the choice, the directions, the way, is clear. Your eyes will reveal the inner truth of what lies veiled. Life is more enriching, beauty's touch, a lilting melody, when first you realise. It is the journey, the twists and turns that hone, that temper, that hold life's sweet, shining, surprise. Close your eyes. See with your heart. This is the life you chose."

Then, having answered, he seemed to melt away.

Pondering, I moved on.

You don't need to say the Words

The thing about difficult communications is, we avoid them. We just find it easier to talk euphemisms. The starkness of reality makes us uncomfortable. Talking silver linings, the other side of the rainbow, it's never as dark as it seems. Etc. etc. etc. as someone in a movie once said.  Just so much easier to contend with, than those words. Endings, not beginnings, are all that is heard.

For me, at this moment, it's about communications. How we make things easier to understand. What we're told, what isn't said. What's misunderstood. What breaks you. What makes you whole. Losing hope, from simple words. Or gaining courage, anew, refreshed. When your living, shines through.

So, I try to make it easier for those afraid to ask. So empty promises, don't need to be made, or kept, or broken. Those who have known a while, know. The diagnosis that eats away the promise of tomorrows, of plans, of dreams. It refuses to leave me. It's very attached, you know. With loving thoughts and compassion, I first received the blow. My own poor body screaming. Neglect, you didn't listen, what about me? So very clear to see now. That bony, reflection, of a woman, was me.

So, for years I have travelled this rocky, rocky road. Of things being done, endured, to ease the heavy, heavy load. But it chooses to remain with me, this lesson of life, is mine, and the unburdening, is not a simple thing. Not something I can share. Not something I would give to others.

So. I focus, intent clear. Moment on moment, day by day. With that thought, with that need to strive, to live, be well. I carry on. I breathe, and stay. There are things that need to be done, where I am the doer. So, where possible, I speak and say the words. The tiredness of staying, is nipping at my heals. But, I hope I have shared enough. Given strength to those who fear to face or deal, with that final sleep that comes. For we all will meet that truth one day. The beginning of the end. The end of the beginning.

Being Jiwan…x